23 Comments
User's avatar
Mark G.'s avatar

Not everyone under 45. I’m 37 and it disgusts me on a daily basis.

I enjoy it the most while reading resumes. It seems the group chat and the resume also have equal importance.

Expand full comment
Joel E. Lorentzen's avatar

Mr. Gage:

These words...

“And why does tradition endure?” I asked. “Because it solves problems. Tradition solves problems so well,” I said, “that we forget the problem ever plagued us at all. Hence the fashionable clamour to erase ‘outdated’ traditions.”

...are incredible! I foresee calling on them in a future piece of my own, for which you will receive appropriate attribution, unless you say otherwise. Thank you for the thoughtful piece, satirically presented as usual!

Expand full comment
Gabi's avatar
4dEdited

I thought this trend was just an American thing. Perhaps it is, as your Zoomer critique could easily apply to American culture, and new generations are the most susceptible to cultural colonization. With that said, when I read the second part of your delightful article, I couldn’t help but think “Cherchez la femme”. Or, for precision, cherchez la femme

Expand full comment
Christopher Gage's avatar

Vive la difference!

Expand full comment
erniet's avatar

"A skirmish erupted in her skull. Her Received Opinions hurriedly wrapped piano wire around the neck of the intrusive thoughts. Too late."

That is too funny an image.

😂

Expand full comment
Terry Wipf's avatar

I always thought people didn't use punctuation because they were sloppy, didn't know grammar, and in a hurry because they send out 1000 texts a day. I didn't know that punctuation was considered fascist. I don't use it because I'm fascist though, just because I'm old.

Expand full comment
Victoria Fabling's avatar

I think this is brilliant. I had a friend, a best friend 40 years ago now, and she would write Dear Vicky!!! and a couple of years ago, sent a Facebook message saying the same thing which wasn't much, "Dear Vicky!!! sorry for your loss." Well, my loss was my sister, and I would have liked more content. She came across as sincere, she thought. I unfriended her.

Expand full comment
Christopher Gage's avatar

Yes. Reading that made me heave.

Expand full comment
Toffeepud's avatar

Farcebook is a sewer of insincerity.

Expand full comment
Rose's avatar

Brilliant!

Expand full comment
Louis Pastrami's avatar

(From recession of a genZuine zoomer paralegal)

"I'm so sorry to hear about your ill health! I really hope you recover soon!"

Efefes. My English teacher, the inimitable and perfectly named Josephine Sackett, a woman - you know, one of those persons with a womb - must be writhing in her grave.

Expand full comment
Christopher Gage's avatar

How are you! Everything okay!!!!1 I'm having an epileptic fit!

Expand full comment
Toffeepud's avatar

I have two Zoomers. One (16, currently attending his Prom-thing) writes short hilarious stories. Full stops all over the place. I think you might enjoy them.....We deprogramme them from some of the nonsense their teachers come out with, and encourage them to look things up, talk and form their own opinions not just absorb ours or anyone else's. It is weird listening to not just kids but other adults sometimes regurgitate "received opinions" - I don't think it's just Zoomers who no longer think for themselves. These glowing oblongs in our hands tell us everything we need to know, think, say.....🤦‍♀️

Expand full comment
Christopher Gage's avatar

As we discussed, dear TP!

Expand full comment
Casey Jones's avatar

The keys to the asylum were turned over to the inmates in the late '60s. There being (probably) more of Us than there are of Them, one would think that they could be taken back. None will even try.

Expand full comment
TJ's avatar

It's really just about being formal vs. casual. Communicating in an unnecessarily "proper" manner in a medium that is generally friendly and casual (e.g., like texting) will always come off as cold and distant. It would be equally jarring if you spoke to your close friends or family in an overly formal manner.

Expand full comment
Peter's avatar

Pfft.

Expand full comment
Louis Pastrami's avatar

Rubbish. Or if you prefer, Rubbish!

Expand full comment
Christopher Gage's avatar

I'd dispute that basic punctuation is "overly formal."

Expand full comment
Maureen Hanf's avatar

Agree! Thank you so much for lifting the rock I’ve been under and sharing this! Always have seen the period as a way to bring my rambling and wayward thoughts to a reasonable end; as otherwise, and left to their own devices, my words would resemble the never-ending story, just going on and on to eventually some point I have no idea even existed. It’s calming to me. The only time I skip on using periods is when I’m in a tremendous rush and texting my closest friends. Even then, I still try to put in a few. Might also explain my fondness for reading haiku, and listening as the words drop themselves down into my consciousness with periods in-built already.

Expand full comment
Christopher Gage's avatar

An impeccable use of the semi-colon there, too.

Expand full comment
Casey Jones's avatar

Speak for yourself.

Expand full comment
Ann Hutton's avatar

Thank you.

Expand full comment