The Sedate Replacement

On the most monstrous of myths.

Le Bal Bullier by Jules Flandrin (1931)

The scolding Bulgarian heat and a monstrous new evil called ‘humidity’ have rendered me delirious.

For the British people reading, in the middle of each year, Bulgarians endure something called ‘Summer.’ The temperature rises to a fiery 37 degrees Celsius. The only respite is to launch oneself into a swimming pool. It’s nigh-on impossible to jig one’s blood-alcohol level above ‘merry.’ You sweat the booze out quicker than you can pour it in. It’s like trying to fill a colander with Rioja.

This gorgeous heat is not for the fair-skinned. At these scorching temperatures, the likes of Louis C.K, great comedian and famed onanist, would fry like a vampire in daylight. For the unacquainted, Louis C.K. is redheaded, and almost translucently pale. He requires NASA-grade sunblock just to open his phone. I digress.

---

Anyway, I thought of Louis C.K. after reading the news on a seemingly unrelated topic.

Last week, Robert Bowers, who murdered eleven people during a deranged attack on a Pittsburgh synagogue, was finally sentenced to death.

Bowers is one of a lengthening string of Very Online lunatics convinced that Jews have hatched a not-so-secret plot to erase white people from existence.

In 2018, Bowers, then 46, spent much of his time bouncing around the annals of the grievance web where he met countless like-minds all of whom were convinced via the ‘great replacement theory’ that white people are dying out.  

‘Screw your optics,’ he told his wigged-out friends, ‘I’m going in.’

By ‘going in,’ Bowers seared himself into hero status amongst legions of online nutters convinced they’re soon to be a minority in America.

Doubtless, Bowers was a habitué to the Daily Stormer. On that neo-Nazi website, one can indulge in grand and minor conspiracy theories that dump all of one’s frustrations at the doors of the Jews. Apparently, the dating app Tinder on which the least desirable eighty percent of men fight over a tiny pool of prospective women, is run by the Jews.

(Reader, by saying ‘least desirable,’ I make no judgements. Such apps resemble a Latin American economy—the top 80% of women restrict their prospective matches to the top 20% of men. This leaves the bottom 80% of men fighting over just 20% of the pool—a monstrous arithmetic for eight out of ten males.)

---

On the Daily Stormer sits a doomsday counter ticking down to the day white Americans become a minority in America. The implication: time’s almost up, whitey. You better do something about it.

But this isn’t just the paranoid jabbering of severely frustrated people. This very trope is conventional wisdom amongst the most staid of newspapers and TV media. Soon, they say, white America will be over.

According to both the Daily Stormer and the Washington Post’s Jennifer Rubin, white people will be a minority sometime in the 2040s.

In 2008, the U.S. Census Bureau projected that ‘non-Hispanic’ white Americans would fall to 49 percent by the year 2042.

Since then, breathless media-politicos have taken the coming ‘majority-minority’ as gospel. Some on the left celebrate the forthcoming date as the first day of their permanent dominance. Some on the right employ the doomsday date to encourage lunatics to rub out innocent people in a synagogue.

The 2020 census continued the theme. Breathless, lazy journalists took the clickbait. Ominously, they said the white population was ‘shrinking.’ According to the Census Bureau, the white population shrunk to just 57.8 percent. Michael Moore did a little dance.

On white nationalist forums, users with names like WhiteGenocide88 were traumatised, and tooling up for war. No doubt, there are a few Robert Bowers with monstrous campaigns lurking around their skulls.

---

The problem with this theory, or so my Jewish puppet masters instruct me to say, is that it’s nonsense.

Firstly, the white population didn’t ‘shrink’. Not unless one believes the Jim Crow ‘one-drop’ rule meaning one non-white ancestor renders one non-white. Secondly, the census ignores millions of white Americans who check the ‘Hispanic’ box. These Americans more than cover any white decline.

According to the census, only those of one hundred percent white European ancestry are white. The Ku Klux Klan tends to agree.

For the first time on the census form, white people could include their varied multi-racial ancestry. Over 31 million whites did so. When we count these white people as white, the white population climbs to 71 percent. So, rather than ‘shrinking,’ the white population has since 2010 increased by four million.

With a sensible definition of white, even by 2060, America remains around 70 percent white.

Professor Richard Alba, a sociologist at the City University of New York, says that definition means America remains a majority-white nation indefinitely—no doomsday clock, no murderous rampages, no primitive bloodsport over a faulty horoscope.

I’m no demographer but counting all white people as white people means there are more white people. I’m no sociologist either but revealing the increase in white people means fewer Robert Bowers keen to pump shotgun rounds into human flesh.

---

This brings me back to Louis C.K. According to the census, the translucent, redheaded Louis C.K., whose father is Mexican-Hungarian, is non-white. So is anyone with one drop of mixed blood.

And yet, the Italians and the Irish were once non-white. So too were Swedes Germans Greeks Finns and Russians. Not even the lunatic Robert Bowers would suggest they were anything but.

So, white people are being replaced… by other white people with mildly more interesting surnames. Reader, that is perhaps the most benign of conspiracy theories. It’s also the deadliest.