This is brilliant - your thoughts on value-less self esteem in our culture is spot on. With no internal generation of self esteem there's no self worth and no sense of accomplishment. All the artificial external kudos lead to the opposite of self esteem - depression and a sense of self unworthiness.
Thank goodness I grew up in the 70s and 80s and as a young woman viewed the self help industry with cynicism and mistrust.....I feel deeply sorry for the young people who came after Gen X. They have been sold so many lies - you can have it all (if you're a woman), happiness is a constant state, and if you aren't feeling it seek help; any friends who don't affirm your beliefs about yourself are toxic and you must dispense with them (isn't it healthy to debate and be challenged?)......I'm learning karate atm to improve my mental health. Hardest thing I've ever done (aside from raising kids), but the sense of accomplishment when I get something right is enormous. Better than all the positive affirmations in the world.
I'm wondering how many punches in the chops it's going to take for me to remember to block 🤣🤣🤣 my comfort zone is a distant memory but its enormous fun.
Another great one, Mr. Gage. And another important view on something that is participating in the crumbling of society.
When we live our lives based on feeling, we are like bags in the wind, floating all over the place and nowhere at all. The feeling of the moment dictates our actions, which are generally short-lived. We end up going 1 inch in 10 different directions. We quit, feel guilty and shitty, and we turn to the 'compassion' of others to validate our reasons for quitting and keep us comfortably stuck in place.
Discipline, commitment, persistence, dedication, and continued action means showing up regardless of the feeling of the moment, and allows us to make actual progress towards something meaningful. 10 inches in 1 direction. That ongoing pursuit (which includes failure, learning, growing, and tons of resistance) is what brings competence, confidence, trust in oneself, and ultimately, sense of self-worth. Funny enough, people tend to support those in pursuits like the latter more genuinely and honestly, further increasing the sense of worth and ability.
A society that emphasizes feeling over action will be a bag in the wind. It's too focused on the feeling of the moment to do anything meaningful long-term.
Real self-esteem is earned through disciplined action. Nothing else will do.
As you suggest, in the beginning it seemed logical. My mom, for instance, bought me several self-help books back when. “I’m Okay;You’re Okay” being one of them. Now it’s turned into forcing tiny kids to provide approbation to trans in their kindergarten classes. It’s gone too far, clearly. However, there are people who constantly talk about themselves negatively. “I’m just a loser.” Or “Everything I touch gets ruined.” It’s demonstrably untrue, but still they are literally programming themselves to fail. I see it in people around me. What is the right answer?
I had a lot of problems with this as a child. To be marked by a certain designation, a word I loathe to this day, set a fear of failure in me, too. From that came perfectionism and the rest of it.
What is the right answer? I'm reading that book by Carol Dweck on the Growth Mindset. She seems to have nailed it down.
This is brilliant - your thoughts on value-less self esteem in our culture is spot on. With no internal generation of self esteem there's no self worth and no sense of accomplishment. All the artificial external kudos lead to the opposite of self esteem - depression and a sense of self unworthiness.
Thank you.
Yes... consider social media/anxiety/depression amongst younger generations. It's all a craving for external validation. We're chasing the dragon.
Thank goodness I grew up in the 70s and 80s and as a young woman viewed the self help industry with cynicism and mistrust.....I feel deeply sorry for the young people who came after Gen X. They have been sold so many lies - you can have it all (if you're a woman), happiness is a constant state, and if you aren't feeling it seek help; any friends who don't affirm your beliefs about yourself are toxic and you must dispense with them (isn't it healthy to debate and be challenged?)......I'm learning karate atm to improve my mental health. Hardest thing I've ever done (aside from raising kids), but the sense of accomplishment when I get something right is enormous. Better than all the positive affirmations in the world.
You've nailed it, there.
Millions of dollars in research, the top professors on the case, and they got the very concept backwards. It's quite unbelievable.
As for karate, I found that getting clipped in the face did wonders for me, too! Enjoy.
I'm wondering how many punches in the chops it's going to take for me to remember to block 🤣🤣🤣 my comfort zone is a distant memory but its enormous fun.
Another great one, Mr. Gage. And another important view on something that is participating in the crumbling of society.
When we live our lives based on feeling, we are like bags in the wind, floating all over the place and nowhere at all. The feeling of the moment dictates our actions, which are generally short-lived. We end up going 1 inch in 10 different directions. We quit, feel guilty and shitty, and we turn to the 'compassion' of others to validate our reasons for quitting and keep us comfortably stuck in place.
Discipline, commitment, persistence, dedication, and continued action means showing up regardless of the feeling of the moment, and allows us to make actual progress towards something meaningful. 10 inches in 1 direction. That ongoing pursuit (which includes failure, learning, growing, and tons of resistance) is what brings competence, confidence, trust in oneself, and ultimately, sense of self-worth. Funny enough, people tend to support those in pursuits like the latter more genuinely and honestly, further increasing the sense of worth and ability.
A society that emphasizes feeling over action will be a bag in the wind. It's too focused on the feeling of the moment to do anything meaningful long-term.
Real self-esteem is earned through disciplined action. Nothing else will do.
Yes! And that is exactly what Nathaniel Branden was trying to say! How on Earth did they get it backwards?
Imagine for a moment they understood Branden's work. We'd be in a far better place right now.
As you suggest, in the beginning it seemed logical. My mom, for instance, bought me several self-help books back when. “I’m Okay;You’re Okay” being one of them. Now it’s turned into forcing tiny kids to provide approbation to trans in their kindergarten classes. It’s gone too far, clearly. However, there are people who constantly talk about themselves negatively. “I’m just a loser.” Or “Everything I touch gets ruined.” It’s demonstrably untrue, but still they are literally programming themselves to fail. I see it in people around me. What is the right answer?
I had a lot of problems with this as a child. To be marked by a certain designation, a word I loathe to this day, set a fear of failure in me, too. From that came perfectionism and the rest of it.
What is the right answer? I'm reading that book by Carol Dweck on the Growth Mindset. She seems to have nailed it down.
The self-esteem industrial complex isn't entirely responsible for the state we're in but it's a big part of it.
For sure. Weaning a generation on external validation has wrought havoc.
It's true. I often praise my dog for just showing up.
Dogs and cats are different. As a committed cat anarchist, I allow my cats to do whatever they like. Seems to work.
Mr. Gage, I remember this movement in the mid to late 80s. I was in my twenties.
I saw this self-esteem movement for what it was, selfishness.
I was raised to respect my elders. Pity the child of my father and mother who didn't.
I was not given respect as a child, but as I grew and hit my teen years, my parents started to show me respect.
I always did any heavy work or lifting for my mother. I worked two jobs and helped my father on his small farm.
I learned to respect people first, then myself. We used to call it self-respect.
It was something we earned. It wasn't given free. Have I told you that the word "earn" is one of my favorite words?
It seems to be a word only used by the English-speaking people. Much like the word like.
I got away with it, too. My mother wasn't of the self-esteem school. Thank God!
They meant well. Sadly, they got it backward.
I am not so sure they meant well. Of course I may just be a cynical old man.